NOTES FROM THE HINTERLAND
PERSONAL REMARKS
By Laurie Meunier Graves
“Your hair wants cutting,” said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice for
some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.
“You should learn not to make personal remarks,” Alice said with some
severity. “It’s very rude.”
From Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
As a rule, Mainers do not indulge in personal remarks. There are always
exceptions, of course, but a person has to be very odd indeed for a Mainer
to make a direct comment, and even then, the chances are great that nothing
will be said. This is true regardless of ethnic group, for Franco-Americans
as well as Anglo-Americans.
Over the years, Mainers have noticed that those “from away” do not always
refrain from making personal remarks, and when this happens, we have the
same response that Alice had with the Hatter. We think the remarks are very
rude indeed.
As this year’s political season winds down and next year’s big political
season begins to lurch forward, I have been thinking of personal remarks.
The presidential race has barely begun, and already Senator Kerry has been
told his problem is that he looks French. A personal remark, if ever there
was one, and completely irrelevant to Senator Kerry’s qualifications as a
candidate.
Unfortunately, the political system abounds with people who make personal
remarks. Certain politicians and their aides seem to think it is their
God-given duty to point out defects, failings, and flaws in their opponents.
These politicians and aides ferret out faults with an astonishing zeal, and
nothing is too trivial to escape their notice.
I can only be grateful that I am not running for political office, for I
have two flaws that not only would subject me to instant scorn and ridicule,
but would probably also disqualify me. My first defect is that I look
French. I’ve written about this before and will not belabor the point. Let’s
just say that I have dark hair and a dark complexion and leave it at that.
However, as bad as looking French might be, I fear that my second failing is
even worse. It actually qualifies as one of the seven deadly sins, and we
know how unforgiving politicians can be when it comes to sins. We saw this
first hand during President Clinton’s impeachment, when he was punished for
the sin of lust (a deadly sin, I might add). Mr. Clinton should be thankful
that the rack has gone out of style as a method of punishment; otherwise, he
would have been stretched as thin as Silly Putty.
But I digress. My sin is not lust. Instead, it is gluttony, and one look is
all it takes to confirm this. My weight waxes and wanes like the moon, but
even at my thinnest, I am what could be referred to as "pleasingly plump.”
I’m sure I don’t have to mention what I am like at my heaviest. It would
mean using a three-letter f word, and Wolf Moon Press Journal is not that
sort of publication.
In truth, I expect my sin might escape detection when I am at my pleasingly
plump stage. If I had political ambition and the money to go with it, I
probably could make it through the nomination process. With some luck, I
might even be elected. However, I have no doubt it would only be a matter of
time before my sin was exposed.
Certain politicians would stare at me, and their eyes would be narrow with
suspicion. “This one is pleasingly plump,” they would say. “And we all know
what that means. She might look fine now, but she suffers from the sin of
gluttony.”
Then the investigation would begin. My past would be explored in
excruciating detail, and one by one, my ugly secrets would be revealed. The
midnight trysts with chocolate. The longing for lemon tarts and the eventual
capitulation. The discovered stash of food magazines that I thought was
safely hidden. At my trial, how could I plead anything but guilty to the
charge of gluttony?
I realize I am stretching the truth to the point of absurdity. As far as I
know, no one has been impeached for being a glutton, and I expect this will
continue to be the case. Yet how far apart, really, are the glutton and the
philanderer? Both are unable to resist temptation. Both are prone to
excesses that can lead to ill health. Both have given in to one of the seven
deadly sins. Isn’t it, therefore, the duty of the innocent to comment on
these failings and then punish the guilty?
But who, exactly, are the innocent? Here’s a list of the seven deadly sins:
pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth. In this world, there
might be a few saints who do not suffer from any of these sins, but most
people are guilty of at least one of them. As far as I can tell, human
perfection is a rare thing, and this certainly proved to be the case during
President Clinton’s impeachment. Several Republicans, caught in their own
moral trap, were forced to confess that, at times, they, too, had been
unfaithful. In particular,
Robert Livingston had to resign as incoming Speaker of the House of
Representatives.
Worst of all, this focus on human frailty usually serves no purpose. An
insistence on perfection sets impossible standards that are, in the end,
completely irrelevant and distract us from more important issues. Would
Robert Livingston’s infidelities have interfered with his job as Speaker of
the House? No, of course not. Did it really matter to the country if
President Clinton had a tryst in the Oval Office? Was policy affected? Was
our national security threatened? Indeed, they were not.
At times, of course, human frailty does affect policy. Greed is perhaps a
prime example of this. But even here we must be careful to distinguish
between personal behavior (book deals and million dollar lecture fees) and
behavior that affects public office (bribes and business favors). When it’s
the former, a good dose of tolerance is in order. When it’s the latter,
public action must be taken. Naturally, it takes wisdom and forbearance to
tell the difference between the two, but aren’t those the very qualities we
want in our leaders?
This brings me back to Mainers and their reluctance to make personal
remarks. Mainers tend to be quiet and tactful and are famous for their
reserve. Evidently, this is true of our elected officials as well. Unlike
many politicians, Senators Snowe and Collins and Representatives Michaud and
Allen manage to remain civil and turn their attention to relevant issues.
When William Cohen was Secretary of Defense, he brought dignity and
respectability to the position. Perhaps they as well as most Mainers have
taken their cue from Someone who was very wise: “Let he who is without sin
cast the first stone.”
It’s a pity the rest of the country wouldn’t heed those words as well.
